Is your behaviour abusive?
What is abusive behaviour
If you’re not sure if your behaviour is abusive, you can ask yourself the following questions and see if you answer ‘yes’ to any of them (even one ‘yes’ may be a sign that you need some support to change your behaviour). Although we use the word ‘partner’ in the questions, it could be in a:
- relation to a partner or spouse
- grown up offspring or sibling
- other family member
Do you ever:
- read your partner's emails, text messages and letters without their knowledge or permission
- try to make your partner doubt their own memory or perception of a situation or event? This may be through lying, denial or pretending that you are 'just joking'.
- try to control where your partner goes, who they see or what they wear
- try to control how much money your partner is 'allowed' to have and how much they can spend
- try to stop your partner from seeing family members or certain friends
- accuse your partner of being unfaithful, even when there isn’t really much evidence to suggest that they are being unfaithful
- call your partner names or make comments that belittle them, or insult them
- try to stop your partner from going to college or work, or getting a job
- try to touch your partner in a way that they aren’t comfortable with, or that they haven’t consented to
Change for the better
It takes strength and courage to take responsibility for your actions. If you're brave enough to do this, help is available. You can work towards changing for the better, stop hurting others and build better relationships.
If you have answered yes to one or more of the questions above, or if you have lashed out verbally or physically, you can get support to change. The earlier you get help, the better life will be for your and everyone around you.
How to get help
Hampton Trust run domestic abuse prevention programmes to support perpetrators of domestic abuse to change their behaviours. They also have a range of community-based interventions for families experiencing domestic abuse and they aim to encourage non-abusive, healthy relationships. People can be referred to the Hampton Trust by a domestic abuse service, by the police, or they can refer themselves.
To get in touch with the Hampton Trust, you can phone them on 023 8000 1061 during office hours, email adapt@hamptontrust.org.uk or visit Hampton Trust website.
The programmes explore appropriate behaviour within relationships and how conflict, aggression, anger and controlling behaviours can affect others.
Programmes focus on behaviour, how people think and feel and how to act differently. They are also designed to support any other treatments the person may be involved with.
You can also call the national Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040 to speak to a Helpline Advisor who will listen without judgement and provide honest advice.